Finding Connection Through 'Mothers at Work' Group

I knew I was onto something when a “take two” leave of absence was equally popular with male and female colleagues for reasons that spanned from extended paternity leave to exotic travel to meditation at a Buddhist temple. Still, it wasn’t always comfortable to be a trailblazer, particularly the feeling that my personal choices were being judged. 

Just when I thought I had started to figure it out, I had to redefine my professional life all over again as a young widow with a teenager and an infant. When my teen chose boarding school 3,000 miles from our home in California, I retired from my 20-year career in consulting and chose New Canaan as my home base. It wasn’t until I applied to the Beginners program at NCCS that I began to feel a sense of belonging again. The unexpected kindness of a mom I met while touring campus, following up unprompted with a long list of toddler-friendly activities in the local area made me realize there was something special about this community.

Fast forward a few years and I found myself planning to attend my first Mothers at Work (“M@Ws”) gathering with trepidation. There was the guilt of skipping a night of bedtime stories and the fear of the unknown as I wasn’t sure if I would know anyone at the gathering or have connections on a professional level as I was in the midst of a career transition. From the first greeting entering the door, I felt completely welcome and energized as I met other community members who had such a wide range of experiences personally and professionally. It was an evening filled with laughter and friendship as I became acquainted with many other moms. One of the unexpected surprises was how this group rallies around a “potluck” format that has everything from home-cooked empanadas to hastily picked up sushi on the drive from the train station. And beyond the sharing of a group effort meal, the pervasiveness of a lack of judgment lightens the ambiance. We are all assured that there is always too much food and drink, so we promote an RSVP category to bring a smile … we all have those kinds of days!

The mission of M@Ws is multi-faceted as it helps to foster connection across the parent community and with the school in addition to professional networking and personal support.  M@Ws originated from a small group of NCCS moms who were not feeling as connected to the school since their work schedules didn’t make it easy for them to be on campus midweek for volunteer meetings or to sign up on posted paper sheets at drop off/pick up. They raised awareness of the desire for working moms to also volunteer at the school and participate in events and used their technology skills to help make sign up sheets electronic and remotely accessible.

But, the group didn’t stop when the initial goal was achieved. There was a kind of magic in the camaraderie of the social gatherings as the conversations about struggles and accomplishments were shared in an authentic way, and there always seemed to be at least one other person who could empathize or offer advice around any topic (dealing with bad boss behavior, taking a risk to launch a new business, getting more support at home, anxiety about returning to work after a hiatus, etc). We typically go around a circle with introductions and hear about children aged 0-20+; jobs as varied as teachers, rocket scientists, artists, finance gurus, non profit volunteers, etc. and family structures that span single parenting, dual careers, aging parent caregiving, blended families, etc.

The pandemic slowed momentum that had been building with M@Ws, including an idea to have a career fair so our children could see the wide range of opportunities and roles filled by mothers and fathers.  We had also helped to bring outside speakers and panel discussions to campus that featured interesting and powerful women. And we had experimented with one gathering each year that happened on a weekend and included children who were happy to play outside while moms talked inside, with older students supervising the younger children. At a time when we all needed the camaraderie and support more than ever, working moms who were simultaneously also providing remote schooling support and taking on added household burdens during COVID had even fewer discretionary hours in a week and we were all on too many Zoom calls every day to rally for another one to socialize virtually. 

We were thrilled to have our first in person gathering in 18 months last fall and excited that so many moms new to the NCCS community took the risk to attend as I did for my first meeting. We try very hard to get the word out to the entire community and emphasize that we welcome all working moms, no matter the type or structure of work (inside or outside the home, pro bono or for pay, full or part time, non-working moms who may be considering re-entry someday, etc.).  The tips and tricks we tend to share revolve around how to feel connected to the NCCS community (eg, what are some of the best volunteer roles for working moms), and everyone leaves each gathering knowing a dozen more people that cross all grades and types of work roles. We hope to see anyone interested at a future gathering!